


Noises

by greengirl82



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Eavesdropping, F/M, Gen, Humor, Innuendo, Noises, Romantic Comedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-02
Updated: 2012-11-10
Packaged: 2017-11-09 01:25:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/449707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greengirl82/pseuds/greengirl82
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The team overhears noises that sound like Hotch and Emily are getting it on. An eight shot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In The Supply Closet

Andre Gide said, "Most quarrels amplify a misunderstanding."

* * *

Morgan walked down the hallway when he passed the supply closet he heard noises and a grunt.

He chose to ignore it when he heard Hotch say "Damn it, quit wiggling around, Prentiss."

"I can't help it, it's so hard" Emily replied "Ugh, God. Why is it so big?"

"It's built that way" Hotch chuckled out a groan.

Morgan's eyes widened in shock while his jaw dropped open.

 _'Hotch and Emily are getting it on?'_ Morgan thought.

The athletic profiler was pulled from his thought when he heard loud moaning and banging against the wall.

Before he could even think, he quickly pulled out his cell phone sending out a mass of text messages to the team alerting them to get over here.

A muffling sound of moaning and crashes kept him from opening the door and busting them on the spot.

Garcia quickly rushed down the hall, carrying her high heels to keep her heels from clacking. Her eyes went wide traveling to the wooden door.

"Did I miss it?" Garcia whispered, not wanting to interrupt the brunette pair.

"Still going at it." Morgan whispered back, nodding his head in the direction of the supply closet.

Garcia's face was giddy and she turned her head watching JJ, Dave and Reid quietly moving down the hall each wearing a genuine look of confusion.

"Ow, quit shoving that at me" Emily murmured breathlessly.

"Calm down, Prentiss" Hotch replied "It takes time getting use to it."

The sound of the door being banged into and moaning and groaning got the eavesdroppers eyes wide.

"Damn it" Emily said "I know I'm going to be bruised tomorrow."

"Oh, you'll be more than bruised" Hotch chuckled darkly "We'll both be walking funny for days."

At the sound of more grunting made JJ and Reid's cheeks pink, while Morgan and Garcia looked giddy and Dave looked proud of Hotch.

Sounds of clanking into shelves and panting was heard and a loud groan from Hotch while a sigh of content was heard from Emily.

"Got it?" Hotch said "Move a little left. There don't move. Right there! Got it? Hurry."

"I got it" Emily said sounding muffled "I'm coming."

Hotch and Emily groaned and moaned again.

JJ covered her ears and buried her face in Dave's jacket regretting coming down here to hear her friends.

Reid's face went pale white and Dave looked embarrassed, and Morgan looked like he was regretting this too,

Only Garcia held the face of giddiness but wished she didn't have to hear it.

"Ah" Emily said "Thank God."

Hotch chuckled,"So was it good for you?"

"Oh yeah" Emily said "Just glad it's over. I really need a shower."

"I know me too" Hotch said "I feel so dirty."

Emily laughed, "I think we need to get out of these clothes, I think I got dirt on my back."

"I know, my pants are so filthy from the dust in here" Hotch said "Are you straightened up, ready to go?"

"Mm hmm" the brunette murmured, "It's getting stuffy in here."

 

Hotch opened the door and saw the shocked and embarrassed faces of his team.

"What?" Emily said straightening her coat, "What's going on?"

"You guys..." Morgan started.

"Totally just had sex in the supply closet!" Garcia finished with a big smile on her face.

"What?" Hotch and Emily said in unison.

"You two had some Afternoon Delight in the supply closet" Garcia reiterated.

Hotch and Emily exchanged shocked looks with each other and shook their heads in confusion.

"No we didn't" Hotch said.

"We were straightening up the closet" Emily told the team who looked at them in disbelief.

"No, we heard the moans, grunts and groans" JJ said.

"Sounded a lot like sex" Dave said "Believe me I've had enough to recognize the sound."

"You guys" Emily said shaking her head "Look inside. Strauss ordered us to straighten up in there and take inventory."

Emily dragged Reid and Garcia forward to look inside.

"See?" Emily said "Look how clean and neat it is in there?"

Garcia's face dropped in disappointment "But, it sounded like..."

"Sorry to disappoint you all" Hotch said "But there was no sex in there."

Dave raised an eyebrow but couldn't read any chemistry off the two, "I guess we better go back to work."

"That sounds like a good idea" Hotch said.

Hotch and Emily watched the two walk off all seemingly disappointed.

"Can you believe them?" Emily said looking over at Hotch.

"I know, unbelievable" Hotch said.

The two headed off to the BAU showers laughing off their friends ludicrous suggestions.

"Good thing they never walk by your office otherwise they would hear us do that" Emily said.

"Or the showers here, or our apartments" he chuckled, taking his shirt off and tossing it at her.

Emily grinned as Hotch joined her in the shower, "Come here."

Hotch laughed, pulling her flush to him as the warm shower water hit his back, he trailed a path of kisses down her neck reveling in her noise.

* * *

"The world only goes round by misunderstanding." Charles Baudelaire

* * *

**To Be Continued...**


	2. In The Elevator

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This time Strauss is walking down the hall to see the BAU team listening in to hear Hotch and Emily and their noise.

"Love involves a peculiar unfathomable combination of understanding and misunderstanding." Diane Arbus

* * *

Strauss was walking down the hallway that lead to the BAU when she heard people whispering.

"Are you sure they're not getting it on in there?" Garcia asked "Because that sounds just like it."

Strauss' eyebrow rose _'Someone's having sex on the FBI property?_ '

"Well that's what we thought the last time and we were wrong" JJ reminded them, "Remember?"

"But damn! These noises sound like they're getting busy." Morgan said.

Strauss marched over clearing her throat, the team looked over at her stunned and in shock.

Reid wouldn't meet her eyes, his cheeks going pink with embarrassment.

"What is going on here?" Strauss demanded.

"Oh God, Hotch!" Emily's voice said from the elevator "Push it in."

"I'm pushing. I'm pushing." Hotch said "Don't want it to get stuck, do you?"

All eyes on the outside of the elevator went wide with shock.

Strauss stuttered for breath staring at the elevator door in surprise.

"Would that be, Agents Prentiss and Hotchner?"

"Yes, ma'am." JJ said "They're stuck in the elevator."

"Stuck in the elevator?" Strauss replied lifting up a eyebrow "Doing what?"

"Each other." Garcia muttered and gasp when she realize she said that out loud.

"Excuse me?" Strauss replied "My agents are having sex in an elevator?"

"We don't know that for sure." Dave said "We had thought this once before, with you ordering them to clean the supply closet."

"And did they?" Strauss asked.

"Well..." Dave started.

"Oh God!" Emily said "Why is it so hot in here?"

Emily moaned out as the sound of banging against the elevator walls is heard.

"Damn it. Quit moving around" Hotch said "Hold still, I need to get this in."

The sound of the banging and moaning even made the woman, secretly known as the Ice Queen, cheeks redden.

_'Is it possible?'_ Strauss thought _'Are they actually having sex?'_

"God, hurry up." Emily said "I need this done now."

Hotch chuckled lightly "Anxious, are we?"

"Oh yeah?" Emily said "Well then how do you like this?"

The eavesdroppers heard a painful cry while Emily emitted a dark chuckle.

"Damn it, Emily" Hotch gasped "Trying to kill me?"

"If I was going to kill you, I'd use my hands." Emily smugly replied.

* * *

More moaning and a crash came out.

"When are they going to fix the elevators?" JJ whispered trying to tune out the moans of her friends.

"For a few hours." Strauss said.

"How long have they've been going at it?" Dave asked amazed at the sounds but embarrassed to hear this.

"Since the elevators went out." Reid said "For over 20 minutes."

Everyone's eyes went wide at that than the sounds that came out a groan and a sigh.

"Come on lift me up." Emily said. "Come on, use those muscles of yours."

Hotch groaned and said "Aah. Finally."

Emily laughed and said, "Alright your turn. Give me your hand."

"I'm not so sure about this." Hotch said "It's not safe."

"Trust me." Emily said "I will make this fun for you."

"Fun?" Hotch said grunted out "What's fun about this?"

"Uh..." Emily said "Me being in here?"

Hotch chuckled and said "Ok. On the count of three. 1, 2 and 3."

Everyone heard Hotch and Emily grunt out loudly and a sigh.

"Thank God." Emily said.

"Hey, I'm not heavy." Hotch said indignantly.

"Well trust me, your no feather." Emily said chuckling.

"God look at us." Emily said "These clothes will never look the same."

"Forget the clothes." Hotch said "Look at us, our muscles will take forever to recover from this."

"It will be worth it." Emily said moaned out.

"You ok?" Hotch asked "Are you hurt."

"No, I'm fine." Emily said "Let's keep going."

Strauss wished she could just walk away from hearing all this but she couldn't she was glued like everyone else.

Everyone heard some movement inside the elevator and Hotch and Emily's voice echoed through interrupting their own inner thoughts on the two.

"Ready to spread them apart?" Hotch said.

"Oh, you know I am." Emily said darkly.

Strauss face went white with shock, she looked over and saw Reid looked like he was going to pass out.

* * *

Morgan looked like he wanted to be anywhere else while Dave looked amused but embarrassed. The two women she could see happiness but looked like they didn't need to hear this.

"Ok." Hotch said "Ready? This has to be done right otherwise it will hurt."

"I can take it." Emily said "Just don't let it slam into me. Promise?"  
"I promise. Ready?" Hotch said.

"Ready." Emily said "1, 2, and 3!"

Everyone was shocked when the elevator doors open and Hotch and Emily looked dirty, clothes messed up.

Hotch and Emily held on to the bottom of the elevator door ground.

"A little help here?" Emily moaned out.

Morgan and Dave bend over to help the two up.

"What were you two doing in there?" Strauss said "Making such obvious sexual sounds?"

Hotch and Emily looked over at Strauss in shock.

"Trying to get out of the elevator by climbing through the roof of it to open these doors." Hotch said "We know it wasn't the smart or safest move. But being trapped in there..."

"Was absolute hell." Emily said "We were roasting and couldn't breathe either."

Strauss took in the two's appearance and believed them. She knew that neither agent would act in an inappropriate manner. At least she hoped not where Emily was concerned.

"All right" Strauss hesitantly said "Why don't you two head on home for the rest of the day and relax."

Emily breath out a sigh of relief as Strauss left.

"You know..." Morgan said "It did sound like you two were going at it..."

"Oh my God" Emily groaned, rolling her eyes at the group.

"Not this again" Hotch said shooting everyone a glare "Why do you think whenever we're trapped together we're going at it like teenagers in heat?"

"Because it sounds like it?" Garcia cheerfully asked.

"Whatever." Emily said "Let's go. I want to wash this crap off of me."

The team watched Hotch and Emily walk off down the hallway taking the stairs not noticing the smirks they had on their faces.

* * *

Kevin Kelly said, "We are infected by our own misunderstandings of how our own minds work."


	3. In The Parking Garage

"It is by universal misunderstanding that all agree. For if, by ill luck, people understood each other, they would never agree." Charles Bauderlaire

* * *

Reid, Morgan and Garcia walked down into the parking garage when they heard the sound of a horn go off.

Looking around for the source of the sound they see the lights on a Bureau issued SUV go off.

The trio stare at the black SUV which started to rock back and forth while grunts, pants and groans are coming from the moving vehicle.

The sound of an elevator ping pulled them from their voyeuristic behavior but are finally pulled to the present when behind them they hear JJ gasped out an "Oh My God."

"Are you kidding me?" Dave asked, standing beside the blonde agent.

"Looks like someones getting lucky." Morgan snickered.

"Seems so" Garcia said giggling at the sight.

The sound of Hotch's moan came to their ears.

"Not again" Reid muttered to the group.

"Now are you sure they aren't getting busy in there?" Morgan asked.

"Every time we think that, we've only end up looking like perverts." Dave said voicing his opinion.

"This is getting ridiculous." JJ said.

"God it's so big." Emily shouted.

"Roomy enough for you?" Hotch said between gasps.

"Funny, funny man." Emily said moaning "God it's so big."

Hotch chuckled at that and the car starting rocking back and forth.

Garcia covered her eyes and said "Just let me know when it's over."

Reid's cheeks went pink and he diverted his eyes to the ground.

"Oh my God!" Emily shouted "Can you believe it?"

Hotch just laughed and then groaned.

Emily started moaning and even the King of Lotharios, Dave's cheeks went pink at the sound while Morgan just shook his head.

"It's getting really harder to believe they're not going at it." Morgan whispered to the group.

"Whoa!" Hotch said and a foot went hit the back of window of the SUV.

"Well whatever they're doing they'll end up busting out a window." Dave whispered to the team.

"Ow!" Emily said "Watch where you're pointing that thing."

"Not going to apologize for that." Hotch said "It's getting the job done."

JJ's eyes widened at that and Reid emitted out a squeak.

"God this getting out of hand." JJ said shaking her head.

"Not going to comment." Garcia said eyes still closed and covering her ears at the noises.

"Aw, man" Emily said "Stop squirming. It's never going to come out if you keep squirming like that."

"Well don't hold it like that then." Hotch said, "Do you have any idea how uncomfortable this position is?"

"Ha" the brunette snorted, "Try it from this end, then we'll talk about what's uncomfortable."

 

All the eavesdroppers instantly wished they didn't come down to the parking garage and wished they were anywhere else but there.

"Got it?" Hotch asked.

"Got it." Emily replied "Now jam it in and really get it working."

"I know how to do it, Prentiss." Hotch said "I'm hardly a newcomer to this."

"Well I thought you said it's been awhile." Emily said.

"Don't go around repeating that." Hotch ordered "Ok, it's going in. Ready?"

"Just stick it in" she murmured, "I don't want to be in here all night."

Five sets of jaws dropped in shock, when they heard a loud but vibrating humming sound coming from the car.

"Oh my God!" Garcia said "Is that...?"

"I don't want to know. Shut up." JJ said.

Emily laughed and said "See? Better."

Hotch started to groan and moan and finally said "Wiggle it around to get it to come."

Now it was Morgan's turn to cover his ears, and Dave started sending out tiny prayers that this wasn't what he thought it was.

The car started rocking faster back and forth then the vibrating sound got louder and the sound of muffled grunts with the window steaming up ripped everyone from their inner thoughts.

A breathless Emily said "Can you feel that vibration? Isn't it relaxing."

"No it kind of hurts shoving it in there." Hotch said "My back is killing me."

Reid, Morgan and Dave's all looked over at each other shocked by what they assume Hotch is doing.

"Well now you know what us lonely women go through." Emily said gasping for breath.

"Aw..." Hotch said "Are you a lonely woman, Emily?" Hotch said teasingly.

"Ha ha." Emily said "Let me shove that in a little deeper."

"Hey, don't do that!" Hotch said.

"Alright, alright." Emily said "I'm sorry. Such a baby."

"Oh really?" Hotch said "Whose fault is it that we're doing this here?"

"Not mine." Emily said moaning "Don't do that."

"Not until you admit that it's your fault." Hotch voice said thick.

Emily moaned "All right, fine I admit it. It's my fault."

 

Another moan escaped both Hotch and Emily then they both sighed.

"Are they done yet?" Reid whispered, his eyes never leaving the ground.

"I think so." JJ whispered back.

"God." Emily said indignantly "Look at our clothes."

Hotch laughed "Every single time."

"Hey, it's not funny." Emily said "This happens every single time. My dry cleaner is starting to hate me."

Hotch just laughed louder at that.

"Ready?" Hotch asked "Just might want to fix your hair there."

The SUV door opened and both saw shocked and embarrassed faces of the their team.

"Again?" Hotch asked seeing their beet red faces "Seriously?"

"What?" Emily asked turning around to look at the team. "Not again!"

"So..." Dave said "What's new?"

Morgan snickered while JJ threw him a dirty look and Garcia finally removed her hands from her ears.

"So where you two... what doing your case files?" Garcia asked lamely.

"We were not have sex, if that's what your all implying." Hotch said.

Emily turned around and opened the SUV door to pull out a mini vacuum carpet cleaner, holding it up with a look on her face.

"This, my gutter minded friends is what we were doing" Emily said "Cleaning out the SUV that we got messy."

"Messy?" JJ asked skeptically "How?"

Hotch threw a look over to Emily "Someone and I'm not naming names, got the FBI issued SUV dirty from lunch and..."

"I told you it was an accident." Emily said defending herself.

"Spilling hot coffee and chili cheese fries was an accident?" Hotch asked.

"You're the one who slammed on the brakes for a squirrel." Emily said.

"Because the last time I nearly hit one you threatened to call PETA on me." Hotch said. "Look anyways, we had to clean it up because Strauss said the B Team needs the cars."

"Huh." Morgan said while Reid looked relieved and Garcia looked deflated.

"So..." Emily said "Will you all stop thinking the worst of us."

"We're not love starved teenagers" Hotch added scoffing, "Come on, Prentiss. Let's return the vacuum to the janitor."

Emily and Hotch headed to the elevator with smirks on their faces.

"I'm starting to feel like a pervert" JJ said "Every single time..."

"Come on, Baby Girl" Morgan told Garcia "Let's go get our drink on."

"Lots of drinks please" Garcia said heading for Morgan's car, "Lots and lots of drinks."

Reid, JJ and Dave followed them to their own cars, in need of a big drink.

* * *

Lionel Trilling said, "Where misunderstanding serves others as an advantage, one is helpless to make oneself understood."


	4. On The BAU Jet

Groucho Marx said, "Whoever called it necking was a poor judge of anatomy."

* * *

Sleeping on a jet was never an easy task for the BAU team, but they knew that it was at least one option other then becoming zombie insomniacs.

The unexpected turbulence, the engine noises and the others snoring patterns were just going to have to become accustomed rituals that they'd have to endure for a few hours of sleep.

So when Dave awoke, he knew it wasn't the sound of the jet's engine disturbing him from his mild peace, what awoke the elder profiler was something that he had unfortunately grew use to but was still mildly disturbed by.

Looking over at the bathroom he heard banging and a loud grunt causing the others to wake up.

"Oh my God, not again" JJ moaned tiredly, dropping her face on the pillow willing her mind to return to its safe slumber.

"Can't jump to conclusions" Reid murmured opening his eyes "Remember the last three times?"

"Still sounds like they're going at it" Morgan grumbled, removing his head phones and wincing.

"Oh God!" Emily cried out.

"Ssh, quiet." Hotch whispered "Everyone's asleep."

"I can't help it." Emily tone grew in octane, "It's so hot."

The murmured sounds of muffled cries followed by banging into the small walls of the bathroom startled the now awake agents.

JJ looked over at Dave who just shook his head.

"Not even going to ask" Dave replied turning his head away from the obvious cries of pain.

"Oh my God" Emily panted out "Put it on now!"

"I'm trying, I'm trying" Hotch assured the brunette, "You know these bathrooms aren't big enough for this."

"I don't care" Emily grumbled angrily "I need it now!"

As the muffled sounds were heard, the clanking against walls fell on deaf ears as they heard their team leader grunt hard.

"Bet Garcia's glad she didn't have to travel on this case" JJ muttered "Lucky girl."

Morgan snickered while Reid tried to keep his eyes trained out the windows at the passing night sky.

"Oh God" Emily said, "You're killing me."

"Not quite" Hotch darkly chuckled, "You'll live."

"This doesn't sound like the last three times" JJ muttered to the three men.

The three male agents shared a look, each knew that was true but all were wary to speak up about the previous incidents.

"So you think they're actually..." Morgan asked the others, "You know? Well you know."

"Don't want to know" Reid murmured, turning back to the window "We could be wrong, again."

The loud banging against the bathroom door followed by a mewled made Dave shoot Morgan a knowing look while JJ bit her lip to keep from speaking.

Hotch grunted louder, while they heard Emily chuckle a sigh of content.

"Shh" Hotch whispered through a pant "You're going to wake the dead."

"Uh uh." Emily moaned lightly "Not in the air."

A loud crash could be heard against the bathroom door, following double panting and a growl. Reid's cheeks went pink and he grabbed Morgan's headset.

"Hey" JJ whispered "Give me that."

"I need it more than you do." Reid pleaded.

"Fine, chicken" JJ huffed grabbing the pillows burying her head under it.

"Oh, God. Emily!" Hotch said cried out, while the brunette moaned out his name.

Dave and Morgan look over at each other and both men wear matching blushes, both knew that was something different.

Reid turned the volume up on the headset, choosing to blare his mind out to rock music then his friend's activities.

JJ grabs another pillow to bury her head under muttering about never traveling again.

"Hotch!" Emily cried out, "Hurry! It's so hot."

"I'm coming, I'm coming!" Hotch said groaned loudly.

Dave turns his attention to the magazine in his hands, while Morgan ripped the headset off Reid.

"Give me that, kid" Morgan said quietly.

"Hey!" Reid protested reaching over for the headset.

"Uh oh" Emily panted "They're awake."

"Of course they are" Hotch chuckled "You're screaming woke them up."

"Well it's your fault" Emily told him indignantly.

"My fault?" Hotch asked "Care to explain how exactly this is it my fault?"

"You're the one making me scream!" Emily told him with a snort.

"Well at least I can control myself" Hotch retorted.

JJ lifted her head from under the pillow shooting the three men a relieved look.

"So it's another misunderstanding" Dave whispered to the other three agents.

"Open the door and let me go out" Emily demanded.

"Fine, go." Hotch told her "But make sure to change that shirt."

"Well you too, change those pants." Emily replied.

The four agents look at each other in panic.

"Did they...?" Reid asked.

The jet was silent when a frazzled looking Hotch and messy haired Emily holding her blouse closed exits the bathroom.

"Well, would you like to explain what's going on?" Dave asked, resisting the urge to smirk.

Hotch and Emily shot each other a look, rolling their eyes at the team.

"Not that" Hotch said "Again."

"He dropped hot coffee all over my blouse" Emily told the group, pointing to her brown stained shirt.

"After she spilled her coffee cream all over my pants" Hotch added, "Nearly burning my... me."

Dave winced at that, while the others watched the two dominate personalities go back and forth with each other.

"I told you it was an accident" Emily replied, grabbing a clean shirt, "It's not my fault we hit turbulence."

Hotch grabbed his go-bag and pulled out a change of pants.

"Oh" JJ said "Well you weren't burned too badly, were you?"

"No" Emily said, rubbing her chest, "I had some of that burn ointment from the first aid kit."

"She'll be fine" Hotch answered, "We're going to change. Everyone try to get some sleep, we've still have a couple of hours before we get back home."

The four eavesdroppers felt relief go back to their somewhat resting patterns while the dark haired pair returned to small jet bathroom.

"After you" Hotch said letting Emily enter first.

"Thanks" Emily politely answered, pulling a smirking Hotch in with her.

"How's the chest?" Hotch asked.

"Better" Emily winked,"Since you kissed and made it better."

"Looks like we'll have to be more quieter next time" Hotch whispered, pulling the brunette into a seering kiss.

"Can't help it that you make me scream" Emily whispered in his ears, feeling him shake with anticipation.

Hotch chuckled lightly "Guess we'll have to wait until we get back home."

"Aw" Emily said complainingly "Why?"

"Because, I plan to make you scream again" Hotch said kissing her lips, "And again and again."

"Guess we better change now" Emily said winking at Hotch. "Can you believe them?"

Hotch laughed "If they only knew."

Burying his face in the brunette's neck, the two held onto each other to stop their laughter from being heard.

* * *

Woody Allen said, "Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand."


	5. In The Hotel Room

Woody Allen said, "Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast."

* * *

The team walked out of the elevator and aimlessly wandered down the hall of the hotel they were currently staying at.

They were all beyond tired having stayed up for forty-eight hours straight.

With Morgan leading the way down the narrow hall, he turned and saw a half asleep Reid being led by down by worn out JJ while the ever insomniac Dave trailed right behind them.

"Come on, kid. We're almost there" Morgan told Reid, who was trying to avoid hitting a wall, "Only a few more steps."

Walking a few more steps down the hall, they paused when they heard it.

"Oh God" Emily moaned, "This is unbelievable."

"Oh no" Reid whispered, his eyes opening wide awake.

"Here we go again" JJ muttered, rolling her blue eyes.

"Oh my God!" Hotch panted breathlessly, "This is incredible."

The now alert and on guard four could hear the residual grunting, groans and panting breaths of the dark haired pair.

"Got it?" Emily asked, trying to catch her breath "Are you ready?"

"Yeah" Hotch gruff voice grunted out, "I've got it, hold on tight."

The squeaking and banging of the bed could be heard loudly through the door but that's not what made them stop in their tracks.

No that'd be the sound of scraping across the floor.

Staying rooted in their spots, they each were internally groaning at the sound of this once again.

"Whose room is next to Emily?" Dave asked, pulling out his key card looking at it with relief.

"Mine" Reid muttered, peering down at the room number printed on the card.

Morgan chuckled lightly, "And mine is further down the hall from the rest of yours."

"Bastard" JJ grumbled, noticing hers was across from the adjoining rooms of Hotch and Emily's.

The blonde walked with Reid over to her room, trying to tune out the noisy brunette pairs grunting and moans.

"I never knew you were so into this" Hotch told the brunette.

What surprised the unmoving group was Hotch's boisterous laughter.

"I think you'll find pretty much open to anything new and exciting." she told him, the teasing undertone in her voice.

Leaning in, the team could hear some whispering moans along with what sounds like kissing.

"Hold it right there" Emily called out, making the team jump back, "Let me get the whip cream."

Even the so-called playboys Morgan and Dave were stunned by that, their jaws dropping in shock.

"They're not doing, what I think they're doing..." Reid whispered to the group.

"Hey, hey, hey" Hotch's playful voice called out, "Don't spray it there."

"Just try and stop me" she giggled, "After all, you're all tied up."

The four agents didn't know what stunned them more, the conversation or the sounds bouncing off the walls.

They could hear groaning and shoes clattering on the floor.

"Like that?" Emily husked tone asked, as the sound of lips smacking together could be heard.

"Oh this is my favorite part" Hotch said, "See how juicy it is?"

"Well I've never really liked that" Emily giggled, "Not really my favorite taste, now don't get me wrong but I just prefer other juicy things."

Hotch chuckled, "Oh you're behaving naughty."

"Oh please" Emily scoffed, "What woman hasn't done it once in awhile?"

JJ's face turned red at that, covering her face with her hair to avoid the other three men's stares.

"I mean it's hardly cheating" Emily added, "Everyone gets tempted from time to time."

The men shifted uncomfortably at the sound of pleasant groaning.

"Besides isn't the best part is going down?" she hummed at that.

"It's smooth and silky" Hotch murmured in agreement, "I really do love this."

The banging sound of a chair falling over startled the four eavesdroppers.

"Move a little closer. Right there" Emily whimpered, "Ok, don't there. That's perfect."

"The view from here really is spectacular" Hotch sighed, "I could gaze at this all day. You have no idea how hard it is."

The brunette chuckled lightly, "Oh I see how hard it is."

"That obvious, huh?" Hotch laughed, "Well I don't see you offering a helping hand."

"Fine" she teased, "I'll do it now."

"Oh" Hotch gasped, releasing a hard groaned, "You..."

"Feels good?" she asked soothingly, "Hmm?"

Moaning in pleasure, "Oh God."

The blonde had enough, she couldn't stand by anymore and turned back to her door, sliding her key card then threw her go bag on the floor of her room.

"That's it" she protested, marching back to the brunette's door banging loudly, "I can't stand this anymore!"

"You hear something?" Hotch asked, the bed squeaking in time with with the knock.

"Fix it, now" the brunette panted out.

The scraping of the bed across the floor could be heard and a muffled voice calling out, "Coming."

The door was thrown opened by a panting and disheveled Emily.

Dave looked her over with a wary eyebrow before gauging the reaction of JJ, Morgan and Reid who was eyeing the floor with a tint of pink in his cheeks.

"What's up, guys?" she asked.

"Why must you insist on making those noises?" Reid whispered, keeping his eyes locked onto the ground.

"Noises?" Hotch asked coming to the door, it didn't escape the others he was only wearing an white undershirt and slacks.

"Those moaning and groaning" Dave answered, "The same one from every other embarrassing moment like this from the last few weeks."

"Oh, those noises" Emily slowly said, raising an eyebrow, she looked over at Hotch, "Really guys, again?"

Morgan let out a frustrated sigh, "Spill it, Princess. What's with these noises you two do? Because I for one would love some shut eye."

Emily rolled her eyes, opening up her hotel door to reveal an assorted buffet of ice cream and junk food on a service cart.

"We were hungry" Emily told them, "We ordered up a bunch of junk food and ice cream. Satisfied?"

"Not even close" JJ muttered, her eye trained on the hot fudge sundae, "That up for grabs?"

Hotch sighed, passing the frozen treat to the blonde.

"Thanks" she muttered, rushing back to her room slamming the door closed.

"So what's with the bed moving?" Morgan demanded, hoping to get this over with.

"Miss OCD here, wanted her bed next to the window for a view" Hotch told them, noticing that Emily was glaring at him.

"Well" Emily said, "I like waking up to see an early sunrise, and this bed needed to be in a perfect spot."

"Not to mention the making room for the service cart and television" Hotch muttered, heading back over to the treats.

"Please, just control the vocal excitement" Dave asked, heading for his room while Morgan unlocked Reid's who ran into his room slamming the door behind him.

"We'd like to make it at least one week without any noises" Morgan told them heading for his own room.

The brunette shut the door, turning to look at Hotch who wore a smirk on his face.

"Now" she asked, "Where were we?"

Picking up the whip cream canister, Hotch gave her a grin, "Right here!"

Hotch started spraying her with the whip creamed while she pelted him with the cherries both giddy in their own little world.

The dark haired man grabbed her by the waist, pulling her flush to him flinging her on the large bed. He towered over her staring down at the beauty before him.

"My favorite sundae is you" he whispered, kissing her whipped cream covered nose.

She grinned at him, wrapping her arms around him pulling him on her, "You're my favorite treat too."

"I think I'd like to sample my sundae now" Hotch murmured as his mouth descended down her neck.

Dave walked out of his hotel room to head down to the bar when he heard the familiar laugh of the brunette pair and smirked.

He knew there was more going on in there other then just gorging on junk food.

But he decided to keep this to himself because as much as they valued their own privacy, there was no way he'd burst their bubble. And he just had to see what came next with them.

* * *

John Waters said, "Thank God I was raised a Catholic, so sex will always be dirty."


	6. In Hotch's Office

John Barrymore said, "Sex: The thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble."

* * *

JJ walked out of her office with her head bent down in a case file, heading towards Reid and Morgan who sat in the bullpen talking.

"You guys, we've got a case" JJ told them as Dave walked out of the break room headed towards them.

"Which one?" Dave asked sipping his coffee, peering over her shoulder, "Great a local one, less traveling on my old bones."

JJ chuckled, looking around the bullpen "Where's Emily?"

"Probably with Baby Girl" Morgan said pulling out his cell phone calling his favorite blonde analyst.

"Talk dirty to me" Garcia answered.

Morgan chuckled, "Come up here, we got a case to go over."

"Hop, skip and a beat" Garcia said.

"Hey" JJ interrupted before Garcia could hang up, "Is Em there with you?"

"Nope, haven't seen my Gumdrop since this morning's review" Garcia replied.

Reid, Morgan, JJ and Dave headed up the stairs to the catwalk and were near Hotch's office when they heard it.

"Oh God!" Emily gasped.

JJ, Morgan, Dave and Reid halted right in their spot.

"No, no, no." Reid whispered while JJ's head dropped to her chest.

"Here we go again." Morgan whispered to the group.

The sound of objects clattering on the floor are heard.

"Shh!" Hotch whispered "Quiet."

Scrapping chairs and panting are heard.

"Oh God." Emily grunted "This is unbelievable."

"I told you it was heavy." Hotch said.

"This is ridiculous." JJ whispered heading to the door to knock.

"What's going on?" Garcia said walking up the stairs.

Morgan grabbed Garcia and covered her mouth.

Garcia muffled a question that no one could understand and tapped Dave on the shoulder.

Garcia's eyes went wide as she heard the sounds of moaning and she dropped her paperwork.

"Oh." Emily groaned out "Come on, hurry up."

"I'm going as fast as I can." Hotch groaned "This isn't an exact science."

"Can it." Emily said "I don't want to hear statistics."

Hotch giggled and said "Ok, lift your back up straight. You don't want to pull a muscle."

"Aye, aye Captain." Emily chuckled "Don't point it there."

"Hey." Hotch said "This is my office and I give the orders."

"So cocky, aren't you?" Emily chuckled "Well, let's see if we can change that."

Emily laughed and said "You look so silly, like that."

"Are we going to do this or not?" Hotch said groaning.

"Ok." Emily said "To the left. A little bit more. Ok. That's it. Right there."

Hotch groaned "How much longer?"

"Just a few more seconds." Emily said sighing "Ok. Let it out."

Garcia gasped into Morgan's hand while Reid looked down longingly into the bullpen.

"How does that feel?" Emily asked Hotch.

"Feels like heaven." Hotch moaned out a sigh of content "This feels wonderful."

JJ shook her head and said "This ends now."

JJ knocked on the door and heard muffled sounds.

"Roll it up." Hotch said "Hide it now!"

"I'm going as fast as I can." Emily said quietly.

"Come in." Hotch said and the door opened.

JJ walked in followed begrudgingly by Dave, Morgan finally removed his hands from Garcia's mouth.

Reid had to force himself to enter the room but kept his eyes on the ground.

"Can I help you?" Hotch asked the muted group.

JJ cleared her throat and said, "Eh hem. We got a case to review."

"Ok." Hotch said as he got up from his desk chair and Emily got up from the couch.

"What's with the looks?" Emily asked seeing all eyes on her and Hotch.

"What were you two doing in here?" Morgan asked.

"Doing? Why?" Emily asked.

"We heard you again." Garcia said.

"Heard us?" Hotch asked "Heard what?"

"Noises." Reid whispered "Some many many noises."

Hotch and Emily looked at each other than the group who were beet faced.

"That?" Emily groaned in frustration "Again?"

"Seriously?" Hotch asked exacerbation.

"Well it did sound..." Dave said "Quite odd."

Emily walked over to the bookshelf in Hotch's office and pulled out two roll out mats.

"This my perverted minded friends" Emily said turning around "Is yoga mats."

"Yoga mats?" Garcia asked.

"I was showing Hotch a few yoga moves" Emily said "Remember how that unsub from three days ago body slammed him into the ground?"

"Yeah?" JJ said remembering "So you were just doing yoga?"

Hotch nodded while Emily said "Of course. We're not rabbits in heat."

"Thank God." JJ murmured, looking at the duo, "Not that there's anything wrong with that."

"Let's go to conference room and review the case." Hotch said.

The team left Hotch's room while Emily threw a smirk over her shoulder to Hotch who smiled back as they left the office.

* * *

"We pretend to work because they pretend to pay us." Author Unknown


	7. At The Beach House

Marlene Dietrich said, "Sex. In America an obsession. In other parts of the world a fact."

* * *

JJ and Garcia walked out of the kitchen at Dave's beach house carrying a birthday cake and armed with presents.

"Wow" Morgan said eyeing the cake "That looks good."

"Me or the cake, hot stuff?" Garcia said teased giving the agent a wink.

Dave laughed while helping JJ set out the presents.

"Ah, baby girl" Morgan said chuckling "You know you own my heart, but that cake..."

Morgan went to touch it only to be smacked on the hand by Garcia.

"Hey!" Garcia said "This cake is Hotch's not yours... say were is the birthday boy?"

The three agents did a one eighty with their heads looking around the opened room but couldn't see any signs Hotch.

"He didn't bail did he?" Morgan asked "Cause you know Hotch doesn't like these kind of things."

"No he wouldn't do that" JJ said, looking over at Dave, "Would he?"

"Wouldn't surprise me" Dave commented, "He said he didn't like being reminded that he was getting older."

The three looked up when in walked Reid from the direction of the downstairs bathroom, his eyes trained at the floor his cheeks pink. Seemingly lost in thought.

"What's the matter, kid?" Morgan asked seeing his young friend.

"Hotch... Emily." Reid said, looking up "So much noise."

Eyebrows of the rest of the team raised up.

"Again?" JJ and Garcia said in unison.

"Here?" Dave asked "In my own house?"

"Where?" Morgan asked.

"Guest bedroom" Reid said "Right where we put our coats."

JJ, Garcia and Dave bolted for the direction of the guest bedroom while Morgan stood in place next to Reid.

Garcia turned around shooting the men a look, "Aren't you guys coming?"

Reid shook his head while Morgan said "I've heard enough of those mistaken noises for one lifetime."

The two blondes exchanged looks rushing over and dragged Morgan and Reid with them down the hallway.

"Hey!" Morgan said "I don't want to hear that ever again."

"Too bad" JJ said.

"Tough luck" Garcia said "We're all here, we all are masochists. We might as well hear what they've got to say this time."

* * *

Approaching the end of the hallway, Dave quietly shushed his team as they approach the door.

The group was stunned into silence hearing the dark haired pair moaned in unimaginable pleasure, and Hotch gasped out a chuckled groan.

"Aah" Hotch said "God that feels so good."

"I knew you'd like this" Emily's husky tone murmured.

Hotch lightly laughed, "Has anyone told you that you have the hands of a God?"

"Not in the last few hours" Emily teased.

"Go back to that last spot" Hotch moaned out "Right there, yeah that. Oh God!"

Reid looked beyond embarrassed while Morgan looked at the door in surprise.

JJ looked over at Garcia and Dave who each wore similar jaw drops.

"So tell me?" Emily said "Is this your best birthday present or what?"

Hotch laughed and said "I think it just might be..."

The team leaned forward when they heard Hotch laugh way too happily, which shocked the team.

"Stop that" Hotch said "Come on. Please."

Emily chuckled and said "All right, all right. Ok. I'll behave."

Hotch sighed and said "Ahh..."

"Like that?" Emily whispered lightly.

"Do that again." Hotch said "That feels like heaven."

Hotch let out a moan of pleasure, as Emily sighed.

JJ looked back from the door to her friends and raised an eyebrow.

Garcia looked over at JJ and shook her head mouthing 'Wait a minute.'

JJ gave her a look that said, 'You freaking kidding me?'

"Ohhh" Hotch moaned out "My God."

Reid looked like he was going to open his mouth but Garcia covered his mouth with her hands.

Both Dave and Morgan looked from Garcia's actions to the look of desperation on Reid's face and Morgan covered the young profiler's ears.

"Doesn't that feel so good?" Emily whispered.

"Mmhmm." Hotch said "Go down a little lower, deeper. Please."

"And a little harder?" Emily teased.

Hotch chuckled at that "If you wish to."

"This is your birthday, your present" Emily said.

Dave looked shocked while JJ's jaw dropped again, and Garcia in shock removed her hands from Reid's mouth.

"A little harder" Hotch hummed in content "To the left. Oh, oh yeah. Right there. God! Don't move."

"Mm hmm" Emily said exhaling a breath.

Hotch moaned while the team heard Emily hum in content.

As the moan got louder, the team shifted from foot to foot uncomfortably wondering if this was another misunderstanding.

"Feeling better?" Emily asked.

"Oh yeah" Hotch moaned out "This I could get use to."

"You wish" the brunette chuckled.

"I may have to put this in as a requisition in your BAU contract." Hotch said.

Emily laughed while Hotch said, "Keep on doing that. Please."

"All right, one more time than we're going to have to get back to the party" Emily's tone said with enjoyment.

Hotch groaned, "Ah hell, do we have to? I could spend the rest of my life like this."

Emily chuckled while Hotch groaned.

* * *

JJ couldn't take it anymore and banged on the door breaking up the two in whatever activity they were engaged in.

Garcia looked over at JJ and glared at her, she may have not wanted to hear the two but she didn't want to interrupt them.

"Yeah?" Hotch called through the closed door.

"Yeah, look..." JJ started, inhaling and exhaling "Whatever you two are doing in there, the cakes out here. We're ready to celebrate your birthday."

"Looks like they already started in on the celebrating" Dave muttered.

"I heard that" Emily said opening the door "And just for the record we know what you all think we're doing in here."

"Giving Hotch a present that we're not meant to see." Garcia said smirking at the two.

Hotch and Emily gave them all dirty looks as Reid started stuttering while looking at the ground.

Emily looked over at Hotch and sighed "They have sex on the brain, twenty four seven when it involves us."

"Mm hmm" Hotch said "Look we were not having sex."

"Right" Morgan said quietly but disbelieving, backing away from the door "Whatever you say."

Opening up the door, Emily reveals the scene of a massage table set up.

"Hey, where did you find my massage table." Dave said barging into the room.

"In your closet Dave" Emily told him "You know I'm nosey like that."

"So..." JJ said slowly "You were giving Hotch a massage?"

"A deep seated massage" Emily said "His back is still bothering him from the other tackle he got from the last unsub."

"You should start letting hot chocolate here, tackle the unsubs. Since you're getting old... older" Garcia said eyes wide "Not that you're old or anything. I'll stop talking now."

"That'd be wise" Hotch said, "I'll consider it a birthday present."

"Let's get back to the party" Dave said heading out semi relieved his friend wasn't having loud sex in his guest room but still wishing that the two would just get it out of their system.

"So this makes number seven that we keep mistaking the noises for sex" Morgan said following the rest of the team out.

"Mm hmm" JJ said sighing walking away semi-relieved.

Emily looked over at Hotch and whispered "Happy Birthday baby."

"It will be when we get out of here and go home" Hotch whispered.

"Hurry up you two!" Morgan shouted "Or I'll eat this cake without you."

A loud smack could be heard followed by Morgan saying "Ow!"

"I told you hands off" Garcia barked out, hearing the laughter of the rest of the team.

"Only three more hours" Hotch whispered, looking down at his watch "And counting."

The two walked down the hall to hear the off key singing of their team.

* * *

"Sex on television can't hurt you, unless you fall off." Author Unknown


	8. At The Bar

Victor Lownes said, "A promiscuous person is a person who is getting more sex than you are."

* * *

The team clink their beer bottles together celebrating a job well done at catching a their latest violent psychotic unsub.

"For a job well done, my pets" Garcia said toasting the team "For saving the world from another bad guy."

"Thank you baby girl" Morgan chuckled before dropping a kiss on her cheek, "You know they all couldn't have done it if it weren't for me..."

"And your thick skull" JJ muttered, looking at the group, "I'm hungry. Anyone want to split some french fries?"

"Maybe some buffalo wings too?" Dave added, his own appetite appearing after a grueling case.

"Sounds good" Reid nodded in agreement, "Coincidentally did you know that buffalo wings don't actually come from buffalo? And interestingly enough..."

"Not interested," JJ got up as Dave followed her towards the bar.

Reid stood up, looking at the table "I'll be back."

"Sure thing terminator" Garcia joked "Headed for the bathroom?"

"Don't fall in" Morgan teased.

Reid gave them a glare before heading towards the men's room.

Reid stopped when he saw a young jet black haired girl standing still at the ladies room, seemingly listening in.

"Are you all right?" Reid asked concerned for the young woman who was roughly around his own age.

The woman turned around and her face was deep crimson red of embarrassment "I think someone's having sex in there."

A loud moan was heard but couldn't be heard over the loud music in the bar, the girl's cheeks went red and so did Reid's.

Reid instantly looked over at his table, mentally doing a head count then whispered "Oh no."

He knew who the two in the ladies room was by the fact that two were missing from the table.

"Hey?" the asked "You look like you've seen a ghost."

"Oh no" Reid murmured, leaving the woman standing by the door, "Oh no, no, no."

* * *

Rushing to the table, he startled the group who was busy with eating their food.

"Spence?" JJ asked "What's wrong?"

"It's happening again" Reid whispered out.

"What's happening again?" Morgan asked taking a sip of beer.

"When I was by the bathroom door, I heard..." Reid started "Noises."

The table went silent, all eyes went wide as the team looked over at the bathrooms. Garcia and JJ get up rushing for it.

All three men stay rooted in there spot until both blondes gave them a look, telling them to move it.

"Why is it always me?" Reid sighed.

Morgan, Dave and Reid stand next to the two women and listen in.

"Oh!" Hotch said "Oh, Emily."

"Yes!" Emily shouted "Yes, Aaron!"

"I love it when you call me, Aaron" Hotch chuckled.

The five intruding eavesdroppers look at each other.

"That's different" JJ whispered to the group who all nod.

"Thank you, Emily" Hotch sighed and moaned.

"Anytime." Emily said moaning in satisfaction "Any freaking time."

Hotch laughed and the sound of the door being banged into caught them all by surprise.

"Sorry" Hotch whispered.

"Hmm?" Emily moaned "Never apologize for that."

JJ and Garcia exchanged a look and her clanking around in the bathroom.

"Oh God!" Emily shouted "Aaron!"

"Emily" Hotch whispered "Shhh, baby. Shhh!"

The team heard moaning and grunting.

"Yes!" Emily shouted "Ohhhhhhhhhh."

Reid looked at the floor quietly muttering statistics while Morgan was biting his lip.

Dave looked from both blondes to the two younger men and cleared his throat causing them to look at them.

"Should we interrupt?" Dave whispered to them.

Reid still looking down nodded while both women shook their heads, Morgan shrugged his shoulders.

"Who are we to knock them, having fun?" Morgan whispered back.

"I don't want to hear this" Reid whispered.

"Oh, Aaron!" Emily's muffled voice shouted.

* * *

Reid looked like he wanted to leave but when he turned around he bumped into the young dark haired girl who told him about the noises.

"Still at it, huh?" the dark haired girl said "Why are you all standing around listening?"

"Well... uh..." Reid started.

"They're our friends" Garcia said.

"So you decided to listen in on your friends having sex?" the girl asked "Kinda private don't you think? I mean yeah it's in a public place, but don't you think you should... I don't know not be listening at their private moments?"

"Well then why are you standing here listening too?" JJ asked furrowing her eyebrows.

"Uh... because I have to go to the bathroom" the dark haired woman, "I'm not going to go in the men's room or the alley."

The team watched as the woman pushed past them and opened up the bathroom door.

The team watched in shock as they saw Hotch pulled away from Emily.

Both dark haired profiler's turning their backs on the team, as Emily lowered her skirt and Hotch pulling up his pants.

"Busted!" Garcia said watching the two flustered agents straighten up themselves.

"It's not what it looks like..." Emily said flustered as she turned around with hickeys all over her neck.

"Sure, Princess" Morgan teased "And I suppose those marks on your neck are just what? Rashes?"

Hotch and Emily glared at the chuckling team, as the dark haired girl came out to wash her hands.

"It's just sex" the girl said "It's nothing wrong..."

The girl looked down at Emily's hand, "Holy crap! You can see where the Titanic hit that thing."

The girl walked out of the bathroom with a smile on her face _'Weird people, but kind of fun. McGee would love them in his Deep Six books. Well done, Abby Scuito.'_

The team looked down at Emily's hand and saw an engagement ring on her finger.

"You're engaged?" JJ squealed running over to hug the two.

"Well yeah" Hotch said being pulled into a hug by the two blondes as the men went over to congratulate them.

"Can we please leave the ladies room, now?" Reid asked looking over to see women look in and glare at the men in the bathroom.

"Sure" Dave said "Next round is on me."

The team walk out of the bathroom relieved that their friends were finally together and hopefully finished making noises in public.

Hotch and Emily walked out of the bathroom hand in hand, smirking at each other.

* * *

"The prison psychiatrist asked me if I thought sex was dirty. I told him only when it's done right." Woody Allen

* * *

**The End**


End file.
